if only i could get inside

"when your world caves in around you"

you might have believed that i did get inside the crumbling building behind us, based on the first photo above, but i didn't. my camera did, though. due to the fallen and scattered debris everywhere, the garage door on this building can't close all the way. my hubby said, "set your camera in there and see what you get." so i got as low as i could, tucked my camera in under the door and started shooting. there was so much junk everywhere and many of the photos were of nothing but huge pieces of what appeared to be engines, or other large car parts, but the one really clear shot of the broken down truck…well, be still my heart.


no tiara, just a cape

we walk and walk and walk. it doesn't matter where and it doesn't matter when, we just keep moving. i haven't photographed my favorite house yet here in our tiny temporary town, afraid that i could possibly disturb the owner, but it's the only house that really calls out to me. granted the "calling" is technically the sound coming from the numerous pigeons who inhabit the opened and rotted out soffits of the once spectacular home, but still…it speaks to me.

the building behind us that i tried to photograph earlier this summer, continues to flirt with me every morning while i brush my teeth. the gnats are gone now and after a few more come hither winks i decided it  was time to get a bit more personal with the slightly creepy empty shell that dares me to visit. 

even though you can see this building from every window in the back of our apartment, i still took my cell phone with me…for protection. the man who loves me to pieces raised an eyebrow when i left, so i didn't explore for very long...alone. i came back after a few shots with my lensbaby, unable to figure out an aperture i was happy with but loving shooting on manual, took off my barely used bad-ass cape {carefully draping it over a dining room chair for future use} switched lenses and said, "come with."

together we explored "mr. slightly creepy" and then in the abandoned limestone rock quarry behind it, we found an old wooden boat, a tiny rusted but operable door built into the side of the quarry labeled explosives {which is kind of scary} and lots of beautiful old limestone rock, rough and cut. you're probably surprised by how much fun we are, huh? snort.

"the storm"

"sometimes we stare back at you"

"if you follow me up, you have to stay forever"


a white box

yesterday i stood in the white box that later this fall will become our home. the drywall is almost finished, so for the first time i could reach out and touch the walls that our laughter will eventually bounce off of and truly understand the space that our new dreams will have to run around in. 

yes {in case you're doing the math and putting two and two together} we're moving again. shortly after we moved here, into our amazing {you should come and see it because it's that cool} temporary apartment, we found something being built back in the area we moved from and decided we could easily call it home. 

we love this tiny town we're currently living in, but we knew the "big city" would beg us to come back someday...we just had no idea it would be so quickly. for someone who has moved as many times as we have, it's this move that's weighing me a down bit and making me emotional. i guess menopause could just as likely be the cause, but whatever. one minute i'm grumpy because there's so much packing to do again and the next minute i'm all excited because we found a really cool light fixture for the dining area. then we have to pick out door hardware and my mood plummets again mostly due to the boredom of doorknobs, only to be lifted sky high when we find out that our backordered hardwood floors will be here on time. see the roller coaster that's chewed me up and is swallowing me alive?

hold on there henrietta, i'm not complaining. honestly,  i'm not. i seriously know how very lucky i am and that many people would give anything to have their only worry be what tile to use in the bathroom and should the light fixture in there have two or three lights. believe me people, i get it. i totally get it. anything we're stumbling over right now is of our own doing and we are blessed to be to falling all over the place right now.

since it's friday again, it's time to share a few "finds" with all of you. 

first a quote by louise hay. "people need loving the most when they deserve it the least." depending on your situation, that could have felt like a knife to the heart just now, but oh gosh, it's a good quote…a good reminder, maybe?

second, there's this and i'm really hoping i haven't already shared it a few posts back and then by any chance are any of you doing this? i play along every year and since there really aren't any rules, i always figure, why not? 

happy happy weekend everyone


so hear me roar

i've been doing so much reading lately. i wish it was all from a "fits in my hands perfectly, slightly broken spine, smells old and is juicy enough to make my mouth water" paperback that i can't set down, but it's not. sadly, it's all been found online, which let's face it, is a larger part of my life than i like to admit, so i deal with it.

i'd love to have a name for the things i find and share here, but i don't because it's never the same day of the week, it's never a theme and it's always when my mind is in a wandering mood…which is actually more often than anyone realizes, but that's for another post. so today, i'm going to link up with kim for her friday finds just for fun. see, she has a name for what she shares. ugh, the pressure.

my first find is this article which brought me to tears. if you know me well, you know that glitter can bring me to tears, so an article like this…well bring on the whole box of kleenex or walk away dismissing my very hormonal self. your choice. a friend of mine thought expecting our men to be our rock wasn't quite right and that they should be allowed to be vulnerable, too and i couldn't agree more, but this is a "story" about us…women…so hear me roar. maybe next time they'll write an article about how we're not supposed understand men. snort. like we don't already know that.

then there's this article. i'm not going to say much about this one because i'll end up offending someone and it takes so much work to get my feet out of my mouth once i've gotten them in there, but i will say that if someone has a jeep like david's jeep, and doesn't know what to do with it, my hubby wants it. oh, and by the way,  get off of facebook and go outside. see, just like that one foot just jumped right in. ugh.

and last but not least, this post. i don't know much about adoption, but i know a little and after reading this part of their story and her most recent post, i know a whole lot more. if you have more time, read even deeper. what a  story they have and her grace through all of it pretty much made me cringe when i think of all the little things that i let bother me. 


tolerating purple

i've been fighting something for three days, in the way of migraines,  and finally tonight, i feel a bit more "normal." hormones, pinched nerve {from curling into a ball while trying to stay warm at a freezing concert} my kyphosis acting up, poor sleeping posture…ugh. it truly could be any of those or something i haven't even thought of yet, but i'm praying i'm over the hump. 

i want to share this post with all the moms out there and this post with all the women out there, since i love to share the things that grab and hold my attention, which unfortunately can be few and far between. the other day i started a new book. after page one, i closed the cover, quietly set it down and walked away. i knew after what, maybe one hundred words, that there was nothing there that could "hold" me. so, any summer reading suggestions? i'd love to hear them.

our son is waiting on some news, which means we're waiting on some news, too. so if you're full of good juju or have super powers you can wield his way or if you can cross your fingers for him, i'd be forever thankful.

last but not least, does anyone know if the photos above are of flowers or weeds? i cut them from a deserted garden and i have no idea what they are.


and i prayed

in the midwest, many of us are guilty for actually "watching" or "looking for" the storms coming our way. the weatherman warns us to take shelter, tornado sirens blare and yet we "look" before really believing that it's bad enough to go downstairs. i remember as a child, our family always going to the basement when the storms came bearing down on us and once dad knew we were all safe "down below" with a radio and a flashlight, he'd go back upstairs to "see" what it was doing outside.

on monday, we got to "see" what the eye of a storm looks like up close and personal and i vow to never be in that position again. we were on our way home {a.k.a. apartment} from madison when our daughter texted us and asked where we were. when i told her, she said we had to take cover, that we were in the area that a severe storm was heading. we kept driving. sure it was raining and it looked stormy, but it didn't look "bad" enough to take cover. she continued to text and send us photos of the radar. we kept driving. finally, we exited off the highway only to believe that heading north looked far worse than continuing going in the direction we were heading. WRONG. as soon as we got back onto the highway, we were blinded by the driving rain and the horrifically powerful winds. we could barely see the car in front of us and had no idea where we were, but we followed him and turned onto a frontage road. soon a truck carrying giant hay bales joined us. we all found ourselves in the parking lot of a farm implement business. we were not safe, but we had nowhere to go. we all jockeyed for a position in the saturated gravel parking lot where we thought if we parked just right, we might be protected. we snuggled our car up close to a huge concrete wall to protect one side of us from the brutal winds that were shaking our car and then we sat...and we prayed.

at one point, i put my purse over me. it has a long cross body strap and the thought in my head was that if we get blown away, at least i'll have identification on me. yes, it was that bad. the big red truck on the "bad side" of the concrete wall lost its hood. i watched it blow off and crumple like a piece of tin foil. i prayed some more, truly believing that this is not how God intended for me to go. 

i don't know how long we sat there with our knees shaking and hearts pounding, but finally the winds slowed down and cars {with their flashers on} were driving again on the highway. so we left and made it home safely just a few minutes later. 

maybe my story can be a public service announcement to any of you who have similar reactions to how i USED to think about storm warnings and tornado sirens...that it probably isn't that bad outside, that the storm will probably skirt us to the south or let's just wait to see which way it goes. at almost fifty, i have finally learned that storms do what they want to do, when they want to do it and how they want  to do it and no matter what,  you are always at their mercy.