wishing…and wishing again

whenever i find milkweed pods loosening their grip on their seeds, i gently gather them in my hands, put my face towards the sun, stand quietly with my thoughts for a few minutes and then make a "deep from within my heart" wish. this year i made the same wish i made last year, hoping maybe this time it will come true.

it's sometimes hard to send a wish up into the universe if the wind isn't playing along, but throwing them at least releases them and for a few moments gives my heart hope that their drifting and dancing will take them in the right direction. 

seems a bit silly maybe to be sharing my fall "release of the seeds" photos now that winter is here, but honestly in my heart, it's still october. winter came too early this year for everyone, so before the snowy photos eventually show up here, or indoor photos of my winter hibernation skills which include  lots of  drinking {hot tea of course} and chocolate devouring, i thought maybe a few more "wow, our fall was spectacular this year" photos would make us all smile.

everyone love a "fun-guy"
happy weekend


too early

winter for almost all of us has come too early. i look at the weather map and know that i'm supposed to be somewhere else but here, but i'm not sure where. i heard the scraping this morning. it was 5:18 when i looked outside to see men shoveling our sidewalk, the driveway having already been plowed. through my squinty eyes that were blocking the brightness from the street lights reflection off the snow covered grass, they looked miserable.

i have new snow boots with furry tops, warm socks, twelve scarves and eight pairs of mittens and gloves and of course a long down coat that has kept me warm for almost nine years, so in regards to my closet, i'm ready. mentally, i still need some preparing.

so i think it's a good day to stay inside. tea and fuzzy socks sound like perfection to me. oh and chocolate, too.


hope has everything to do with everything

this past weekend, staying in like we love to do, we watched "the fault in our stars." what a beautiful love story. there are books and movies that i fall into hard. they tend to take up space in my heart for months, sometimes even years and as i go about my everyday living, i remember little pieces of them and feel like i find them laying around as reminders of what's good and bad or right and wrong in the world. reminders of what love is. and hope. and why we love in the first place and why hearts feel the way they do. oh yes, this was one of those.

i came home in tears yesterday from the food pantry. there was a new client that i worked with and something about the pain and sorrow that normally stays in the deepest part of one's eyes and is rarely exposed,  especially in front of strangers, took ahold of my gentle heart and held it the same way a child holds his mother's hand. there was sadness in those eyes, too and he seemed so scared. maybe it was because he seemed to be the same age as our son, or maybe even younger, that i was so drawn to him. i really don't know for sure, but when he asked me how his thirty three pounds of food and the clothing he found in our clothing center could be bagged so he could carry everything on his bike home, i took a deep breath and helped him while telling my heart to hang on. granted, many of our clients have bikes for their only mode of transportation, but there was just something about this boy and all the "aloneness" he encompassed. now i'm praying that i see him again. that he comes back. that i made him feel safe. that maybe if he was hopeless, he found some hope.

i'm still looking for the perfect organizer/calendar/notes and dates for everything/i need to write and keep everything together 2015 planner. do any of you have that? or know where i can get that? and do you want one if i find it?


the climb

i'd like to blame my sleepless nights on menopause, as that is totally happening here, but who am i kidding. i get to blame my confusion, hot flashes, migraines, tears that could fill a bucket, loss of appetite and overall "who am i and what has happened to my body" on menopause, so for now i'll just keep the "sleepless nights" blame on day light savings. it's good to spread things out.

we're still getting settled in our new place and even with all the boxes long gone,  i'm struggling to call it home. if i follow the saying, "home is where the heart it is" then yes, this is home. my heart is here and the and heart of the man i love more than life is here, but still,  it's not really home home. i don't know if it's all the gypsy in my blood from our years of moving around or menopause {see, there it is again} but deep down i know home home is still out there. waiting for me. somewhere. 

all i hope for {and most recently pray for} is that when i find it, it reaches out for me and grabs my hand so tightly that i can't pull away or even breathe for a few seconds. that's how you know, i think, when something is right. if it takes your breath away, well...you better hold onto it tighter and with more strength than you've held onto anything else before.

there's a new issue of artful blogging available…at barnes and noble…or online…and i'm in it. it's so exciting when you get to see yourself in print, yet at the same time, a little scary…or something similar to scary which i don't have a word for but means, oh my gosh…am i really good enough at anything to be in print, in a bookstore? anyhow, one of my long time blogging friends talked beautifully about it and if i had had my act together {darn menopause} i would have hooked you all up to her give-away…but i didn't and the give-away is over…but still, it's worth stopping by her place for a little, "well, hello there ."